New Zealand Football to withdraw from International Competition

New Zealand Football (NZF) today announced that it would be withdrawing from International competition until further notice.

An official said “After the situation in Papua New Guinea we have been reviewing eligibility of players from the pen pics in our match programmes. During this process we have discovered a player called Ollie White who isn’t registered with us.”

Who is Ollie White?
The official went on to explain that matters were exasperated by the fact that many of the player we know by other names such as, Chris Wood, Marco Rojas, Jeremy Brockie, Costa Barbarouses, Ivan Vicelich & Bill Tuiloma among others all claim to be Ollie White.

“It was decided that until we can work out who Ollie White is that we shall be withdrawing from all forms of International football and we have advised the OFC of this decision by fax.”

It is believed that the Oceania Football Confederation has indeed received the fax and in turn they have sent a fax to FIFA informing them that New Caledonia will be withdrawing from international competition until further notice.

When asked if NZF had a backup plan in case they couldn’t work out who Ollie White was, the official replied that they will continue to assist National Coach, Anthony Hudson, in his search for players. "In fact he has just sealed the deal on a Kombi van and he will be spending the next few months driving around Europe tracing the classic Kiwi OE in the hope of finding some youngsters with Kiwi parents who can kick a ball".

NZF denied that they were trying to lure Jack Charlton as a special adviser, saying “despite Jack’s skill for getting anyone who drank a pint of Guinness or went to a U2 concert to be able to play for Ireland, the rules have apparently changed since those days so he wouldn’t be of much help to us”

Meanwhile the Federated States of Micronesia have issued an invite to NZF for a series of games. The FSM manager said they were confident of a win as even if the on field score is 30-0 to New Zealand, we should be able to get it reversed to a 3-0 win to us”